7/30/2020 blog

“Beware of old men in a hurry.” I heard this once by a newspaper opinion writer whose name I can’t remember. I’m thinking of it as I grow older and wonder what to do in the remaining time before shuffling “off this mortal coil.” I turn 50 next month; it’s a milestone. Molly Shannon had an SNL skit where she played someone proud of reaching it. “I’M SALLY O’MALLEY, AND I’M 50! BOOK ‘EM DANNO; I’M FIVE-0, 50!”

What am I hurrying to do? Write more. I have two essays in the works: an analysis of realist and naturalist drama that I might pitch to some middle-brow publications and a travel/environmental piece cum memoir that might find a place in on-line publication. I also have initial thoughts about a novel but have had trouble getting started with fiction in the past. My idea is to write a kind of hybrid action thriller and psychological drama. Yes, there are other things I want to do: travel, time with family and friends, etc. But then you have to be careful with “etc.” It’s like “miscellaneous”: it can be the repository of a multitude of sins. I have to watch out, not getting any younger. Haha.

So buyer beware: I am in a hurry but like to think have also earned a semblance of calm and peace. “Baby, slow down./The end is not as fun [or far?] as the start,” according to U2. For a more traditional poet’s take on old age:

 I an old man,
A dull head among windy spaces.
After such knowledge, what forgiveness? Think now
History has many cunning passages, contrived corridors
And issues, deceives with whispering ambitions,
Guides us by vanities.  Think now
She gives when our attention is distracted
And what she gives, gives with such supple confusions
That the giving famishes the craving.  Gives too late
What’s not believed in, or is still believed,
In memory only, reconsidered passion.  Gives too soon
Into weak hands, what’s thought can be dispensed with
Till the refusal propagates a fear.  Think
Neither fear nor courage saves us.  Unnatural vices
Are fathered by our heroism.  Virtues
Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from the wrath-bearing tree.
..;
                                         –from T.S. Eliot’s “Gerontion”
Update: Here’s a bad joke. “Did you hear about the man who attended a few Solipsists Anonymous meetings? He was happy to learn he wasn’t the only one.” Well, you get what you pay for.