“In Control Here” by yours truly
“Control yourself!” “Oh, no. Not again. You are not an elf, and even if you were, you would not be mine. Maybe your wife’s. She sounds possessive. Not mine for ven diagrams are yours. And I don’t date whores. My classmates are bores. They give me snores. And once again, the proper grammar is ‘your elf.’ You seem to be slurring your words. Have you been drinking, Mr. B—? It’s okay. You have a stressful job. Dealing with blithering idiots most of the day can’t be fun. And I’m not just talking about your colleagues, ie. s—heads. And please stop baring your teeth the way you do. There’s a rumor here you are a vampire and won’t expire. You’ve sucked too much blood (I know a thing or two about that).” “Yes, we’ve all heard.” “Okay, but stop it with the teeth. I don’t get that from Fr. B—. He seems more like a mummy. I sense a certain sancti-mummy in him, and he seems to love his sancti-mommy. That one was a real bomb-y. My Mom wants me to be a priest, but I have too much yeast down there. Please don’t stare. Oh, I don’t care, but no touchy. Grant me that much-y. Oh no, Mr. Bill is hard again because M—- is wearing a tight cardigan.” “W—, I think you’re possessed of Janus, you two-faced bastard.” “Mr. Bill! Missed her pill! Now a baby. Rhythm method maybe.”