“An ImPerfect 10; Film at 11” by yours truly
- If and When sitting in a tree / K – I – S – S – I – N – G / First comes love; then comes marriage. / Then comes If in a baby carriage. / Or is it When? Take a WhIff and decide.
- “You suck!” / “Yes, but I still like to f— / Guess I’m s— out of luck. / At least we have pluck. (Note: we should all feel lucky after each bowel movement; consider the alternative.)”
- There’s something I’m forgetting. / It’s that my vocation isn’t babysitting.
- Don’t say it if it’s merely witty, / Only if it also makes life pretty.
- Define Florida: Hellter Swelter (to me, but not my dear parents).
- “Child molesters can still have healthy sex lives.” “Yes, if they can have sex with children without breaking the law, getting castrated, or being killed.” (Disclaimer: This may not go over so well with some audiences. Not advocating pedophilia. Please take it in context.)
- She said, “I want a husband who is just like my Dad.” He said, “Why? Is Dad dead? I hear dead men don’t wear plaid, and I do. So good-bye.”
- It’s disputable / That we’re inscrutable. / We live in a house ill-reputable, / But if the noise gets too loud, it’s mutable.
- A gay manifesto: doctors used to consider homosexuality a mental illness because it was good for their business.
- If Thomas Mann’s wife Katia were mad at him in English: “If you say so Mr. Man…if that is your real name!”
- You don’t need to go, but Toodle-Oo anyway. Take a left to the loo.