Two jokes
“Mr. B—, there’s a scurrilous rumor going around that you are short. Don’t believe it. It is merely scuttlebutt.” “Yes, I have heard murmurs.” “It’s your wife’s opinion that really matters anyway.” “Between you and me, she doesn’t think so.” “Good. I just wanted you to know because there are some rumors about me too.” “Yes, I’ve heard.”
“You’re dead.” “No, you’re dead.” “No, let’s be clear: it is you who are dead.” “I beg to differ: you are dead.” “Do I have to spell it out for you? D-E-A-D.” “What? Like ‘dead in the head’?” “No, simply dead.” “Now, she’s dead.” “No! Don’t bring her into this.” “My name’s Ed, but I’m thinking of changing it to Ned.” “Because Ned won’t be dead?” “No, he’ll still be.” “Well, enough said.” “Yes, let’s go to bed.”