Lucky 8
“Soul” by yours truly
“You’re the soul of discretion.”
“Please, I consider myself a soul of discretion, not ‘the.’ And I wish you wouldn’t call me a–hole. It is really offensive, and, you know, the best offense is a good defense. So watch out.”
“Of Age” by yours truly
“Paging Dr. Quack. Paging Dr. Quack.” “He’s speaking to Dr. Rage; he got out of his cage.” “Dr. Rage needs to come of age.” “Yeah, gotta turn the page.” “Yes, by this stage…”
“Sleeping Around” by yours truly
Hey, who does a guy have to sleep with around here to sleep with a gal like you?
Heard at a militant lesbian protest:
“No more Mr. Bills! No more Mr. Bills!”
“Return Policy” by yours truly
“They return the compliment.”
“But you need a receipt to do that here, and they haven’t presented one. This isn’t just Cinnabon.”
“She returns the compliment.”
“Fine. She needs no receipt. Let me repeat. No receipt needed from her. I can assure you.”
“Flash” by yours truly
“Hey, C—-. I’m a repeater/reporter. Here’s a newsflash: you’re stupid and ugly. Oh, you already knew. Sorry. Now I am blue. Don’t take me away just because you think I am gay. Role the tape; C— likes rape. He should go to Russia because his brain is mush-a. LH Oswald and will soon be bald.”
“Lucky 7” by yours truly
“Mr. B—-, we’ve surmised your wife is possessive. Be careful. The genitive case is an ambiguous case, as most of us know well. What the hell?
“A Crying Shame/Fate 8” by yours truly
“My sex doll tells me I’m no dummy. Others say so, but not she.” “Where is it from?” “Well, it says, ‘Made in Thailand by Hand.’ Understand? Don’t reprimand or you’ll be canned. Scanned as in the movie Scanners and for only showing bad manners.”